Oh where to begin? I suppose the beginning was when I met a healer, an intutive, an energy worker. Let's call her S. I confided in S that I felt like my spiritual practice had stagnated, that it was time for me to grow but I knew not in which direction. As my friend Conrad says, we often don't know what we don't know. I asked S to point me in the right direction. A book to read, a practice to research. Well she definitely called and raised me! (In the poker sense, not necessarily in the Jesus sense. Haha) S said she had never taken students before but lots of people had been asking for her to teach them recently. So I said maybe we were both being called. (This time in the Jesus sense, not the poker sense! ) I got a free Tarot reading for my birthday not long after that. (Who Reads for the Reader? Tarot.com if you were wondering. I promise I'm not being paid to say so, I just like them.) The reading confirmed that I was embarking on a new path, it was time for me to be a student again. Unfortunately, the whole business stalled very shortly afterwards and I began to suspect that the Universe was not conspiring as much in my favor as I expected. I began to think I would be stuck in this rut for the forseeable future. Don't get me wrong, reading Tarot is a great blessing. However I haven't had a client in months other than one pro bono quickie for a friend. More importantly, I felt I was no longer growing spiritually and what doesn't grow is not alive. I was beginning to feel dead inside. I was becoming angry and morose. But I kept reminding myself of the Teachings, the Mysteries every day. When the baby cried, when my husband ignored me, when a friend betrayed me, when writer's block had me feeling like a failure, when I was beset with problems so distressing that they cannot find a home in this blog I've set aside as positive space, I would tell myself the Truth. This will pass, God is using this for the Greater Good, God provides exactly what you need, I am blessed abundantly, God's standards of good and bad are not the same as what we find pleasing, in fact, bad does not exist. Now, as I'm sure you know from experience, this is cold comfort and hard to know in your heart while in the thick of it, but it did keep me grounded enough to not lose perspective so entirely that I went off the deep end. I'm pretty sure that led directly to what happened tonight. If you've read my blog before, you know that I believe God speaks in whispers rather than tornados whenever possible; miracles (God's Will) are found in every day synchronicities, not only in the splitting of seas. Well, tonight I was meant to have a much anticipated night out with a friend. No small feat when you have a baby, a husband who works 12 hour days 7 days a week, and no family in town to babysit. Well, her husband came home from work unexpectedly and she cancelled on me. BUT a different friend called because my husband put his foot in his mouth* and told her husband that she and I were supposed to hang out tonight. (Long boring story of why he thought that and why we weren't. She got it, you don't need to. Haha.) So that wasn't a huge miracle but it was the exact miracle I needed! (Because let me tell you, if you spend all day every day alone in the house with a baby and dog who cannot have what could conventionally be called "a conversation" with you, you will start to go a bit batty.) Now, as is my wont, I have taken months (in story-time) to get to the point, because that's how life works, so that's how I write. The point is that the ability to let go of my disappointments and obstacles and trust God put me in the place where I could go with the Flow. That's the only way to describe the feeling of being caught in God's slip stream, knowing exactly what you're supposed to do. While I lay on the floor next to my son's crib after I put him down to sleep, I got a vision**. A large, intimidating animal was racing towards me at a gallop. I thought it was a rhinoceros. I was afraid. But as it approached I realized that it was running to me rather than at me. It was a rhinoceros but it was also a horse and it was also a dog. I don't mean it was some strange pseudo-Sphynxian chimera. It was the essence of these animals. And it was my friend. I knew then that I was being both prepared and protected. That I didn't need to worry, something beautiful is coming. Later on in the night I learned on Facebook that some acquaintances (a married couple) are dealing with an illness in one of them. As I was praying for them, I got another vision. (Which I won't detail here out of respect for it and those for whom it was meant.) When I messaged her about it she confirmed that it resonated with her in a very particular way. This was amazing for multiple reasons:
1. It is a blessing to bless others, to bring them hope and solace!
2. It is always awe-some to be aware of the presence of God!
3. By just going with the Flow and being quiet with God I found I could do what I thought I needed to pay S to teach me! (Don't get me wrong, I still might. I'm sure I can learn a lot from her! And just this week I saw her for the first time in months, so maybe the time is ripe. But, point being, I feel out of the rut!)
4. It inspired me to write this blog, thus overcoming my writer's block and feeling a bit better about myself! Even if I am pretty rusty. :)
I realize my style is verbose and convoluted so, to be plain, the morals of this story are:
1. Always make room for God even, no, ESPECIALLY, when your heart is full of fear, anger, or doubt. If you have to, "fake it 'til ya make it."
2. All wisdom is accessible to anyone by simply being still enough to hear God whisper, to watch God work.
3. We are truly blessed to have technology that allows us to minister to and be ministered to with people who would otherwise be totally unavailable to us!
4. As always, the final moral is that small miracles are still miracles! God wants you to know that (S)He is at work in your life!
How is God working in your life? Comment, let's talk about it! No one is an island and we are God's hands! God has given us to seek and share Fellowship!
*Upon rereading this post I realized I made two comments about my hubby that could be construed as unflattering. I would like to clarify that I have never met anyone more honest, more hardworking, or with more integrity. He is an amazing husband and father who cares deeply about his family. I am unbearably in love with him and more grateful than words can describe that God blessed me with him and that he thinks I'm ok enough to be his lady/baby-mama. :)
** I feel the need to explain that when I say "vision" I don't mean some trippy psychadelic experience in which I hallucinate that there is actually a rhinoceros in my son's room running towards me. (Maybe getting his horn caught on the crib? Haha.) It's more like a dream but while awake and aware that it's not "real". And a special feeling... I can only call it the Holy Spirit, because I don't know what else it would be or what else to call it.